Self-Repair Manifesto

Mwahahaha, I love tearing things apart! Recently, I got the chance to do a tear-down on a PB G4 to replace the DC & Sound Card. Thanks to ifixit.com, I am able to get free repair guides, parts, and tools to do repairs on a plethora of Macs. It is so much fun to be able to fix things myself.

The fun thing about being able to access repair guides is the fact that you don't have to be a trained technician to repair anything. The step-by-step instructions are always well-written and, if there's any errors or room for improvement, there's a community to keep them getting better.

You can see my tear-down pics here. I think it took about 2.5 hours from start to finish and I only had one left over screw (but I know where it goes, so I can go back and put it in later).

I encourage all of my brave friends to try and repair stuff before tossing it aside. If I had the time, and money, I'd love to take some actual tech classes and add to my computer knowledge. I love being able to fix things and also help out friends when I can.

Life is but a vapor

Today, one of my neighbors, Dorothy, unexpectedly passed away; she just never woke up. What a reminder of how fragile life is and how we are never promised the tomorrows. She was a Christian, so I will rejoice that she is now with the Lord and cured of all her pains and illnesses. My family and I went by this evening to express our condolences and we were all talking about how she was out walking her dog last night.

It's a reminder to live for now and don't wait to do what needs doing; say what needs saying; and love all who come our way.

How many times have we all said, "I'll get around to it," or, "There's always tomorrow?" Even Little Orphan Annie sang that "the sun will come out tomorrow." Well, the sun may come out tomorrow, but we're not guaranteed to see it; Dorothy didn't see the sun today. Her plans to visit my church again soon won't happen. If I were to die tonight, I know there's much I would be leaving undone and unsaid.

Two Bible verses quickly come to mind, as I think about life.

Psalms 144:4 - People are like a vapor, their days like a shadow that disappears.

James 4:14 - You do not know about tomorrow. What is your life like? For you are a puff of smoke that appears for a short time and then vanishes.

Life is but a vapor,

Fleeting and short,

Tomorrows are not promised,

So don't waste the todays,

Do it now, say it now,

Love with open arms.

Balancing Life

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about the balance in my life, or lack thereof. There are so many things I want to accomplish and I don't know how I'll ever fit it all in. There are, of course, obligations I can't do anything about, such as work, which leave little time or energy for anything else. There are relationships that can't be ignored. The list goes on and on. Somewhere between all the "have-tos" are the "need-tos" and "want-tos" that I never get to.

I'm not sure how I'll ever figure out the proper balance of it all. There are days when I wish I would just unplug the TV, since that doesn't help matters any. I know that as soon as I sit down to watch "for a minute to relax" I won't get up again for a couple of hours. Many days I just feel tired and run down, and yet I have to try and keep going because dinner needs to be made and kids need putting to bed.

Among all the tiredness and business I'm supposed to find time to "Be still and know that He is God." When!? At four in the morning!? But I also know that therein lies the problem. If I could better center my life around Him then things would start to balance out because of it. The eternal priorities would become more apparent and the worldly things would seem less important. I know my stress level and tiredness would start to fall away and clarity would settle in. But, instead, I ride the constant merry-go-round of life and never stop to get off.

So I write about the frustrations and it goes a little like this:

Lost in the nothingness

Of day to day life

Trying to survive

Amidst all the strife.

Days roll along

There is no end

Broken life

Needing a mend.

Lost in the nothingness

Can't find my way

Of course, I got distracted or busy and didn't finish it. I'm sure I'll get to a point again and finish this one or start a new one. I really want to do more than survive, but I always feel caught and just hanging on for the ride as "Crazy Train" runs through the back of my mind.

Save Me!

Hanging at the end of my rope

As the knot at the end unravels

I stretch out a hand...

Save me!

Pull me up

Before the abyss

Swallows me

I can't hold on any longer

I need to let go and

Turn my salvation over to you

You reach out

But I'm afraid to grab hold

How can I put my trust

In someone I don't know

Hanging by a thread

I no longer have the strength

To continue hanging on

I need you to...

Save me!

Pull me up

Before the abyss

Swallows me

I can't hold on any longer

I need to let go and

Turn my salvation over to you

Losing my grip

I finally reach out

You swoop me up

And make me yours

---

I wrote this shortly before becoming a Christian. Actually the final lines were written some time after the rest. When I originally wrote it, I couldn't decide on how it would all end. I was struggling with my path and hadn't made up my mind to follow Christ. Honestly, I still struggle to reach out and trust, but that's part of the journey. I know that all the "sad" songs will someday become worship songs as I break free of the past and move to the future. :-)

Today

Today

Lord, I'm not feeling very Christian today,

my heart keeps getting in the way.

I'm neither patient nor kind,

and in me no where can I find,

the love You ask us all to display.

Lord, I'm not feeling very Christian today,

my actions keep getting in the way.

I put others down, walk with a frown,

and seem to constantly disobey.

Lord, I'm not feeling very Christian today,

my thoughts keep getting in the way.

I need to stop hiding from you,

being to myself untrue,

and finding excuses to not pray.

Greater Yes!

"Nothing grows on mountaintops. The fertile ground is in the valleys--the trials, the slavery, and the pits--and it is there that we grow and blossom as Christians." (Finding your Greater Yes!, by Dr. Dan Erickson)

This is a quote from a book I'm currently reading. What a true statement it is about our lives. As I think about it in the context of my life, I find that I prefer the mountaintops to the valleys. There's always a great view, it's usually stress-free, and very quiet. Valleys, on the other hand, can be quite stormy and have their view limited by the mountains around them.

This book has made me think about what my "Greater Yes!" might be, though I'm still not sure. I just have this feeling that if I do figure it out, it's likely going to require me to come down from my comfortable mountaintop to pursue it. I'm afraid that going into the valley will mean I can't provide for my family or that we'll struggle more than we already do. (Okay, we don't really struggle as most families do, but it seems there's never money around when something goes wrong. There's money to pay the bills and no more.)

I do realize that I should trust in God to provide but, of course, that's a failing of my spirit. I'm sure my husband, Ken, would just tell me to pray on it but, of course, that's another failing of mine - I have no prayer life. There's the occasional prayer on a bad day but beyond that, I have no idea what to say.

Knowing me, my journey off the mountaintops will either be a long, steep trek or one quick, straight fall into the valley. No leisurely stroll into the unknown.